Defending Narcissism

Brittney Jean Carter

So, let me just say it upfront. I have Narcissistic Personality Disorder. Yep, that’s the one people love to throw around when their ex doesn’t text back. But for me, it’s not just some dramatic buzzword—it’s who I am. And honestly? I don’t see why NPD has to be painted as, like, the ultimate evil.

Theresa Alfonzo

Oh, joy. This is gonna be fun.

Brittney Jean Carter

No, seriously. Hear me out. Narcissism is survival, right? It’s about creating value in yourself, controlling your narrative, being resilient in a brutal world. I’m not saying it’s always pretty—

Theresa Alfonzo

Or ever.

Brittney Jean Carter

Well, let’s agree to disagree. But when people call us manipulative or unempathetic, what they don’t understand is—it’s not like we wake up every morning twirling our mustaches, cooking up new ways to wreck lives.

Theresa Alfonzo

Oh no, that comes later in the afternoon, right?

Brittney Jean Carter

Ha! Cute. But seriously, we’re wired this way. For me, it’s a defense. You think showing vulnerability in this world gets you anywhere? Please. It’s a one-way ticket to misery.

Theresa Alfonzo

Okay, let me hit pause on the Dominic Show for a sec. Just so we’re clear for everyone listening, Narcissistic Personality Disorder isn’t just some flair for the dramatic. Psychologically, it’s defined by manipulation, control, and yeah—let’s not forget—a lack of empathy.

Brittney Jean Carter

Yeah, yeah, the dictionary stuff. But we’re not monsters.

Theresa Alfonzo

Maybe. But y’all could try a little harder not to set everything on fire on your way through life. Like, my ex? World champion gaslighter. If denial were a sport, he’d have his own Nike sponsorship. It was insane.

Brittney Jean Carter

Look, I won’t deny there are... problematic tendencies. But can we stop pretending people like me are the only ones causing chaos? Relationships are messy. It takes two.

Theresa Alfonzo

Uh huh. And somehow, you make sure you're the one holding all the matches.

Brittney Jean Carter

Or maybe it’s because I don’t trust anyone else to manage the fire. See? This is why I defend it. NPD isn’t about being evil; it’s about survival strategies that get... misunderstood.

Theresa Alfonzo

Misunderstood? Dominic, half the people listening right now are probably nodding like, "Yup, date one of those, never again."

Brittney Jean Carter

Oh, come on. We’re not all bad. Some of us are just... complicated.

Theresa Alfonzo

Yeah, "complicated." That’s what my ex called his lack of accountability too. Pretty sure he still believes lies he made up 15 years ago. And if I corrected him, oh man. Instant rage circus with me as the main act.

Theresa Alfonzo

Alright, Dominic, since we’re talking survival strategies, how about twenty years married to someone with NPD? Trust me, I’ve got enough stories to fill a whole episode—and let’s just say, "resilience" doesn’t even begin to cover it.

Brittney Jean Carter

Oh, I’m bracing myself. Go on.

Theresa Alfonzo

Okay, picture this. A Tuesday night. I say, "Hey, the electric bill’s overdue." And somehow, by the end of the argument, it’s my fault for not being "supportive enough of his stress levels." A total Jedi mind trick. I’m sitting there, second-guessing reality, like, wait, did I mess up?

Brittney Jean Carter

It’s not like he plotted that out, though. You know that, right? It’s... instinctive.

Theresa Alfonzo

Instinctive? Dominic, it’s manipulation—and not the fun, Ocean’s Eleven kind. More like, "Let me drain your emotional bank account while gaslighting you into thinking I’m the victim."

Brittney Jean Carter

Okay, but isn’t it also about his need for control? That’s what you’re describing—control as a mechanism to feel safe. It’s not malicious.

Theresa Alfonzo

Oh sure, it’s all fun and games until you’re sobbing in your car because he’s rewritten history so many times you don’t even know who you married anymore. One time, and I’ll never forget this, I called him out for lying about a work thing. Just—hey, can we not lie to people? And boom. Full-blown meltdown. He flipped it so fast, I ended up apologizing to him.

Brittney Jean Carter

Classic defense mechanism. He probably felt cornered and needed to regain power in the situation. It’s reflexive for us. We’re protecting our sense of self.

Theresa Alfonzo

Protecting your sense of self? By bulldozing everyone else’s?

Brittney Jean Carter

It’s not that simple. You see it as bulldozing; we see it as maintaining stability in a world we feel constantly at odds with.

Theresa Alfonzo

Stability? Dominic, do you even hear yourself? NPD stability comes at everyone else’s expense. Twenty years of walking on eggshells to keep the peace. The second I tried to have needs? Bam. Emotional Armageddon.

Brittney Jean Carter

But maybe that’s because he couldn’t face his own inadequacies. It’s not personal; it’s projection.

Theresa Alfonzo

Not personal? Tell that to my therapist.

Brittney Jean Carter

Look, I’m not excusing it, but I’m saying it’s survival. Don’t tell me you didn’t see some of that coming, though. Patterns emerge early on. What kept you there?

Theresa Alfonzo

Shame. Fear. Hope. All the hits, you know? And yeah, I saw the red flags, but by the time I realized they weren’t just one-offs, I was drowning. Ever try to leave someone who emotionally flips between idolizing you and turning you into their worst enemy? It’s psychological ping pong. So tell me, Dominic—how do you rationalize doing that to someone?

Brittney Jean Carter

Theresa, I hear you—what you went through is inexcusable in so many ways. But have you ever considered how much of that behavior comes from them being trapped in their own emotional chaos? It’s the dark side of how they fight to survive.

Theresa Alfonzo

Big shocker there.

Brittney Jean Carter

Let me finish. It’s like when they point fingers at public figures. Take some of the greatest leaders or performers—absolute icons. Their drive, ambition, their charisma—it looks a lot like traits linked to NPD. Hell, it probably is. But the world eats it up when it benefits them.

Theresa Alfonzo

Oh, for sure. You slap a little charm and power on it, and suddenly it’s inspiring instead of destructive. It’s like, "Oh, he’s not toxic, he’s a visionary!" But the second it hits close to home? Boom—you’re the villain in someone’s life story.

Brittney Jean Carter

Exactly. Think about it. A narcissist might sacrifice relationships, but they’re often praised for their achievements. People don’t ask how the sausage got made, just if it tastes good.

Theresa Alfonzo

Okay, except some of us are the sausage. I mean, Dominic, surviving NPD isn’t just losing yourself—it’s forgetting you ever existed outside their orbit. Like, I had to go full Navy-SEAL-on-my-emotions to rebuild after twenty years with my ex. And turns out, being a Navy vet? Easy mode. Try surviving the constant emotional labyrinth of a narcissist’s mind.

Brittney Jean Carter

So what, you’re saying people like me can’t grow? That we’re just stuck being the bad guys forever?

Theresa Alfonzo

I didn’t say that. But let’s not kid ourselves—actual change is rare. What most narcissists do is adapt, not evolve. There’s a difference.

Brittney Jean Carter

Okay, but adapting is surviving, and survival means something. People like us don’t have it easy either, you know. We’re constantly fighting against rejection, insecurity, the need to matter.

Theresa Alfonzo

Yeah, and the rest of us are fighting to matter without getting trampled in the process. Look, maybe some narcissists can change—who knows? But for me, it’s not about fixing anyone else anymore. It’s about awareness. If I’d have realized what was happening earlier, I’d have fought for boundaries instead of bending over backward to keep the peace.

Brittney Jean Carter

I’ll give you that. Awareness does go both ways. But that means people also need to understand the why behind the behavior. It’s not all calculated cruelty.

Theresa Alfonzo

Right. Sometimes it’s just cruelty with bad aim. Look, Dominic, here’s my takeaway: NPD is like a storm. You might not control the weather, but you don’t have to stand under the hurricane hoping it’ll change. Some of us learn to grab an umbrella and get the hell out of there.

Brittney Jean Carter

And some of us are trying to figure out how to stop being the hurricane. Maybe the first step is admitting we’re wired wrong and working from there.

Theresa Alfonzo

It’s a start. And on that note, I think we’ve earned the right to give our listeners a breather. That’s all for today, folks. Thanks for coming on the ride with us—for better or worse. Until next time, stay sane—or as close as possible!